The matter of in-laws is the one that many wives wish didn't exist in marriage. The reason being it's the bane of numerous ailing marriages. Many daughters-in-law often dislike their mothers-in-law and hardly any daughters-in-law have ever endured any thing good to express of a mother-in-law. Many spinsters wish that they may not need one if they marry their husbands.
Many mothers-in-law tend to be viewed as overbearing, busybodies and a wife's greatest rival. The questions to ask are:
'Why are mothers-in-law generally understood by their daughters-in-law?' 'Are mothers-in-law truly bad?'
In lots of homes across the world, especially in African settings, there's usually an unending, raging conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.
You will find two parties to the conflict - the wife and her husband on one hand and the mother-in-law on the other hand. To be able to provide understand the causes of the conflict, it's pertinent to measure the roles played by each party to the conflict.
The wife and her husband
Many wives, especially African wives, come right into marriage, fully prepared for battle based on pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil and must certanly be put in their right places. Thus they have formed an opinion of their in-laws and have figured the in-laws are antagonists. So, if a partner has a kind and loving mother-in-law, she would misconstrue everything that the mother-in-law says or does.
A wife may have an illusion that after her husband marries her, she must abandon his parents and cling to her. This illusion is dependant on a scripture that says that '' A person will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife'' ;.By their faulty interpretation with this scripture, they appear to forget that the same scripture commands that 'a man should honor his parents''
A sensible man won't abandon his parents while he married a wife. He must continue to relate with them and to provide for them. However, his relationship with them shouldn't allow unnecessary interference in his affairs, especially marital affairs by his relations.
Unfortunately, in lots of places especially in Africa, relations do interfere in the marital affairs of a married relation and this attitude is just a product of an African's cultural values particularly the extended family system.
The extended family system of the Africans is just a beautiful and commendable cultural system that enables a part to be his brother's keeper. However, one major defect of this technique is just a member's assumed right to meddle in the marital affairs of another member.
No parent has the proper to meddle in the marital affairs of a boy except the son grants them the ability to complete so. Such powers, when given tend to be abused and the mother-in-law is the main culprit. A boy who grants rights of interference to his relations is obviously lacking in maturity and is still in bondage to his parents i.e. tied with their apron strings. Marriage is for adults and real men. Real men are not just men by physique as some men really are. Maturity is the capability to take full responsibility for one's actions and to handle one's challenges
There is a full world of difference between a wholesome respect for one's parents and servitude to them. Many men don't seem to know this difference. A boy who allows undue interference in his marital affairs is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests and resents such interference. In this wise, the son/husband has changed into a the main problem.
Some men are emotionally attached with their parents especially their mothers and here is the loop that the mother-in-law takes advantageous asset of to trouble her daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law
A mother-in-law really wants to be loved and accepted by her son. She really wants to be remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. The Mother-Son relationship is one of the very most intimate but non-sexual relationships.
Mothers are generally very passionate about their sons. Some mothers who may experienced rough and difficult marriages in their time with probably impossible husbands usually take solace in their children to comfort them and take care of them. They could have suffered a whole lot and had borne numerous indignities to coach and bring up their children. They would see their children as their little husbands. Motorcycle accidents
Suddenly, a young woman appears on the scene to remove her son's attention from her. She feels oppressed and becomes heartbroken. The mother fails to appreciate that whenever her son gets married, she now belongs to the backseat while her daughter-in-law takes the front seat in her son's life. The mother still desires to have the full attention of her son which her daughter-in-law will dsicover as rivalry and competition.
Which means conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a struggle for the attention and control of the son/husband.
Some mothers-in-law are unnecessarily difficult and can not be pleased or satisfied by way of a daughter-in-law. It is sometimes out of envy especially if the mother-in-law had a rough and unhappy marriage and her daughter-in-law now has a happy and cordial relationship.
Some mothers-in-law have good intentions, genuinely thinking about the welfare of their son which the daughter-in-law may misconstrue to mean poke nosing.
